


It had only begun

by mysV



Series: Who'll find a way [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Caleb Dume is little and needs a hug, Gen, Heavy Angst, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Order 66, Post-Order 66, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The Force, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysV/pseuds/mysV
Summary: He’s once feel important, loved and safe, even a bit powerful. But not anymore. He’s watched how his world was shattered right in front of his very eyes. He didn’t only saw, he also felt it collapse. He felt it in his mind, in his body and in the Force.His stomach convulses and he cries in distress, his knees go weak as he drops to the floor. His cheek presses to the cool durasteel, and he fights off the tears.He is going live his whole life alone.
Relationships: Caleb Dume & CC-10/994 | Grey, Caleb Dume & Depa Billaba, Janus Kasmir & Kanan Jarrus
Series: Who'll find a way [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776736
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	It had only begun

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last part of the really short series, I started these fics without too much optimism, but now I'm very content with the result. I'm still learing to write in English, and write fics has actually help me a lot. 
> 
> Anyway, this one is pretty dark and angsty, Caleb went though a very traumatic situation at a very young age, and for him Order 66 didn't end his journey, it was the painful kick that intiate it. He is also a Padawan teenager with terrible coping mechanism, trapped with a Space!Pirate in a place he doesn't know, he was pretty vulnerable.

**Disclaimer** : Star Wars and all of its affiliated properties remains property of Lucasfilm and Disney.

* * *

Alcohol tastes like poison, and poison tastes like grief. It burns his tongue and hurts his throat. It feels like acid, and he do not care.

Everything hurts, and feels so cold. He stumbles backwards and knocks something over as he fell, it clatters loudly, but he doesn’t care if someone hears.

_There isn’t anyone, anyway._

He’s already had enough of the vile substance to get rid of reality. Regardless, he takes another drink, his shaking fingers gripping the glass bottle too tightly. It almost tastes like relief, but all he wants is death.

“Grey would…” He pauses, because is hard to talk.

“Grey would be so disappointed.” Caleb mumbles, or try to mumbles, but it is almost unintelligible. He mentions Grey because Depa would never have believe this behavior. She always cared so much for him, always was so attentive of his wellbeing, she was so much of a Jedi to imagine her dear Padawan in such situation.

_She would be horrified._

Grey, otherwise, once explained him why he should stay away of any substance that would hurt him. The Commander never let him been even close to 79’s, let alone the lower levels where Styles and some of the other Troopers went sometimes.

Under the watch of Master Depa, nothing could defeat him, because she was there. Under the watch of Commander Grey, he become aware of the things that could hurt him, but such things were so far away, Grey would never put him in danger. 

_Did he really fought in war? How, if he was still so naive?_

Cold embrace him and drag him under water until he drowns. All his life he’s been taught that he’s has to be patient, disciplined, selfless and dedicated. He can’t be anymore.

He’s once feel important, loved and safe, even a bit powerful. But no more. He’s had enough of it. He’s watched how his world was shattered right in front of his very eyes. He didn’t only saw, he felt it collapse too. He felt it in his mind, in his body and in the Force.

Now, he is growing used to be alone. But he misses the brown eyes of his Master, and the pure-heart redhead psychometric who was his best friend. He misses the incense smell of the Temple, the rain in its gardens and play ball with his Clone Troopers friends.

_His Clone Troopers friends._

He is going live his whole life alone.

His stomach writhes and convulses and he cries in distress, his knees go weak as he drops to the floor. His cheek presses to the cool duracrete, and he fights the tears.

He can’t hear the door swing open, its opener alerted by the crash from earlier, but he can see, in his blurred vision, the silhouette of Janus Kasmir.

Janus’s yellow eyes stare down at his form, and he thinks he can see hatred brewing in them. Though that view is skewed by suffering physical and mental, real and fake.

Maybe, maybe if the eyes were brown and not yellow, or if the silhouette was from Master Depa or Grey, or Cal. Maybe, if they were…

_Maybe if they were…_

* * *

He’s too far gone to recognize that the yellow eyes are, in fact, worried for him. Kasmir want him to keep fighting.

But Caleb feel so empty, so lonely. 

He’s no longer attached to his body, he’s melting inside and cracking outside. He begs the Force for help, to guide him one more time. There is nothing else, he have nothing else but the Force.

He is still holding the bottle, which nearly empty, is a silent witness.

Caleb Dume is dead, and somewhere, brown eyes weep for him.

* * *

“Get up boy!” Janus Kasmir hoarse voice wakes him up. He is in the floor, lying face down.

“There are things to do and if you remain this useless, I’m going to throw you away in the next fuel station!” The teenager do not want to hear Kasmir anymore, he is sad and angry and everything is wrong. Kasmir need to shut up now.

Kasmir grab his shirt and moves him, trying to get him to react.

“Do the kriff you want kid, if you hasn’t suffocate in your own misery by the night, get ready for the next job” He let his shirt go, and his face fall into the floor again, Kasmir footsteps march away.

Caleb Dume would cry, and would scream calling for Master Depa, for Grey and Styles, for Stance, for Grandmaster Windu. Kriff, he would even call for Cal, the Crèche Master and Master Yoda. 

Caleb Dume would scream till his body tells him to stop, till anyone answer him and take him home. Because Caleb Dume was brave, loyal and strong, but also was just a young boy.

Kanan is none of that, and as Kasmir said, he have to get up and got ready, there were things to do. The most important was find a way to live, having loss everything he once has.

If the Force listen to Kanan Jarrus as much as it did to Caleb Dume, may It give him a way.

The Force will provide.

**.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading! Feel free to leave kudos.
> 
> The title of this fic was taken from Sabaton song "Fields of Verdun"


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